Me , she had dispensed dispense from joining the group ; saying say , " She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance ; but that until she heard from Bessie , and could discover by her own observation , that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition , a more attractive and sprightly manner -- something lighter , franker , more natural , as it were -- she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented , happy , little children . "